What the hell?

What is going on right now? I do not know. Have you ever felt like all you could say was just !!! This makes life all the more complex for the single reason that the question will inexorably come up; How on earth do you say '!'. How do you cope with that low feeling where nothing has really gone wrong, but neither has anything gone right; and you have nothing you can say, and no way to say it.

Sometimes the world just looks at you and decides to manifest goodness and grace upon your life, and just when you think it is going to get better, it turns around and slaps you in your face. I have to admit, however, that I wouldn't know what to do with a life that was only awesome and great. Thinking about it, I don't think anyone really has the capacity to deal with pure good; indeed it is the evil in life which gives a challenge; keeps us grounded, gives us focus.

But trying to define the current crap can be difficult. People spend hundreds of dollars to have professionals give them answers straight out of a textbook written by a man who more or less had serious issues with reality. People all walk around, wondering 'who am I' 'why am I', wondering where their life is going, and never having a clue of an answer. But it is all about perception. Imagine a disaster movie; one of those end-of-the world apocalyptic movies that seem to crowd up the box office like so many fleas on a dog, and just as appealing. Imagine yourself with dashing looks and as the hero of the film. Now think of the problems you are having. If you were in one of those save-the-world movies your chief problem would be keeping your hair perfectly styled. Problem No.2 is saving the world.

Now against this backdrop, your current problems do not seem so very big. In fact they seem minuscule, so pathetically small that you will almost laugh. You may even shudder with the thought of accomplishing the almost impossible task of leaping over boulders, dodging bullets, saving the woman you love, all the while keeping your hair looking perfect; and, oh yeah; saving the world.

By the way, I do apologize to my reader (I hesitate to pluralize the last word, in light of my current largest problem; finding more than one out of 7 billion people who are even slightly interested in what I have to say) for my lack of being faithful to the blogosphere, and ignoring the countless requests for an update. These requests were ignored largely due to the fact that they originated primarily from my imagination. At either rate, if you are reading this, you have serious problems and need to get your head examined. Or if you want I can just pull out the text book explanation for you 'You have serious problems with wasting time reading worthless blogs which stem from your childhood and the lack of motherly attention that you received from your father'. Trust me, this sounds very life altering coming from a bald person with a beard. If I were to explain my disaster movie theory to him, he would look at me like I was stupid.

Obviously he cannot remember just how tough it is to keep your hair looking perfect while doing incredible back flips necessary to either saving the world, or making a decent take at the box office. This is probably because he cannot do a back flip, or because he has no hair.

Enough Said

Sith Happens? Part II

The root of all evil? A survey was once conducted by several sociologists where they questioned different Americans and asked them how much money they thought they would need in order to achieve the ‘American Dream’. More or less, each of these people stated figures which were pretty much double of what they were currently earning. Think about that. So where does it end? At what point in time do you say ‘I have got enough. I can now live comfortably, spend time with my family, or pursue the hobby I always wanted to do’?

Are we always going to be striving to earn more? What happens when you have a million dollars? You move up in class, start rubbing shoulders with people of the same class. You have to have that expensive house, the top-of-the line car, those expensive holidays. This means you have to earn even more. As you earn more, your toys just become more expensive; your friends become snobbier, you have to keep a constant image up.

So at what point do you have what all of us penniless people here dream about? There is always something more to have, always more money to be made. I guess we all remember the words of our iconic hero, St. John Lennon; ‘Money can’t buy me love’. True, but neither can poverty. I guess my point is that we need money, or quite frankly, we need to provide a means to live. But at what point does it cease to become earning simply to exist, and becomes earning simply to have. If we really thought about it, what is it that we are so desperate to have? It depends on the society and age you live in. Right now I’m dreaming of a red hot Ferrari. (Not that I know how to drive, but I think I’d look terribly good standing next to it; holding the keys). Put me back two to three hundred years. I’d be dreaming of a fine white stallion. (Again, to stand next to, horses are really uncomfortable to ride). Or maybe if I was a POW, my great desire would be for a hot shower or a nice meal.

Do you get what I’m trying to say? Let me put it in better terms; cell-phones. Ten years ago, the phones had one simple feature; they could make phone calls. And yet there were the better models. Somehow there is always the better model. Maybe it was slimmer, or smaller, or looked cooler. At either rate, the phone that all the big important people had, or everyone else craved; is now worth next to nothing. If someone were caught walking with one of those phones now they would be laughed at till infinity. What is the difference between a big-shot ten years ago, and well, me? (I am used to the mocking laughter by now). Ten years ago, I would be envied. Nowadays, I get all the elbow room I want on the subway as soon as I pull out old faithful.

Alright, it’s all well and good to point at the rich people and say ‘they are so unhappy’, when we all know we want to be ‘unhappy’. It’s easy to talk about how charitable you are until there is a stack of greenbacks in your face, and, oh; don’t you just love the smell? It’s so easy to say how we are all just being influenced by the media as to what to buy, and what looks cool; but at the same time we will buy that phone when we can afford it, we will buy that car, we will accept that job; because all of us are too scared to try and imagine what life would be like where you were the word on what is cool; where you said what was ‘in’, where you bought what you wanted because you needed it to enhance your life. But all we can do is dream; and write about it in a blog no one reads...

Enough Said.

Sith Happens? Part I

As I'm writing this post, my wakeup alarm went off. No, I didn't get up early. I have been up all night talking to a very dear friend. It’s funny how time flies.

My topic for today is life. More specifically, the stuff that happens. Here you can replace 'stuff' with your favourite four letter expletive. Why does (as Yoda would say) sith happen? I'm not talking about the unanswerable question of human suffering; I am merely talking about the day to day crap we face in our lives.

What is the deal with toiling through a day endlessly only to try and earn more money to do what? The entire modus operandi of the current way of living, is working as hard as possible, doing things as quickly as possible; everything instant, everything on the internet; everything connected to each other. I am not some old grandfather croaking how the world was a better place in my day. In fact it wasn’t. Some of the world’s worst crimes against humanity were perpetuated during those ‘good ol days’, and I don’t know if it was any better back then.

But has anyone, at any point in time, just lived through live, comfortably; doing what they want, loving their work, not caring about what the rest of the world thinks? I’m sure there must be some. I’m not talking about the hippies or the radicals or anything like that. I just think that life is becoming too focused on making more money. Not just making money. But making more! I wonder if I will be like that, only able to enjoy maybe 2-3 hours a day in the evening whilst struggling through a job I hate because the job I want to do doesn’t pay enough? And always gunning for the better position, at cost to friends, family , co-workers.

Right now I don’t have a steady paying job. I am doing an online writing job where I get paid per word. I’m still in the beginning stages, and I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. I guess that’s my biggest problem with life right now. It’s the same with many of my friends, who are trying to get settled into life, get into college, start a career (without a degree), open a business. And we all have the same problem; how do we make money without letting money make us?

I guess my current goal in life is to find out what I love to do, and how to make a living off of it. I think too many people go into that aspect of their lives and say ‘Ah, I could do this, it looks pretty simple, I have a knack for this area, and the pay is good.’ And they think that is enough. I don’t know, is it? Shouldn’t the question be ‘I love to do this, how can I make money off it’? Eg, ‘ I just love shopping, and clothes, but I don’t have the figure or aspiration to be a model’ What can I do with this, instead of pursuing a Business degree, how about fashion design. Or, ‘I love to play video games. I love to use computers. Why don’t I become a 3d designer for VGames, instead of going learning computer programming’???

Right now, I know what I love to do, and that is write. I hope to be able to go to college next year and study literature and journalism. What’s wrong with someone doing something they love? I guess I need to finish the rest of this tomorrow; stay tuned for part two....The Love of Money..

Enough said...for now

I Made Someone Cry

She was doing nothing, harming no one, just existing.

She was there, I was here, she spoke, I spake.

No one could stop me, I had to reply.

No one else would see what I saw.

The tear in her eye.

Style, poise, a beautiful smile

She had it perfect, for a while

Her head drooped, her eyes sunk

And I thought I heard her sigh

I didn't know any better, I couldn't see any clearer.

I just know I made her cry.

Don't ask me How,

Don't ask me why.

I'm in a knot I can't untie

Because a girl I never saw,

Never said hello to

Or goodbye

And I somehow made her cry

Speak softly, hold your wrath

Don't look up, don't hit back

It doesn't hurt to be hurt,

Somehow thought it true

Suppress whats inside,

It never needs to show

Hold it in, never let it go

But even still, it spills out sometime

No ones perfect, not all the time

I didn't see; how could I

And yet I made her cry

It wasn't my fault

It couldn't be helped

I'm innocent

I try to lie

But I know I can't forever

I don't know what to do

I guess I have to tell her goodbye

Because I made someone cry

Wow. I finally have my first followers! The concept of writing for real people is strange, yet I shall try to give it a shot.

I wanted to discuss ego, something which is paramount to the basic functions of the average male. Lately I discovered that I am not the King of All, despite numerous self uttered proclamations, the Universe has denied my demands to fly, walk through walls and wear red jockey briefs on top of my pants.

I may be the first male to realize this. I guess that's the reason why we read comic books, play first player shooter games, and other things like that. You may or may not agree with me, but I believe on some level, every guy thinks he is an unrecognized god of power and love.

From my point of view, sure the action of the game itself is fun. But what is funner, is that alternate reality, where you can do those super back flips, take down 13-15 enemies at the same time; and where you are Schwarzenegger, Willis, and Van damme all at the same time without lifting a single dumb bell.

Its why those movies were and still are so popular. Its why almost every single comic book movie is a mega hit. Its Twilight for guys. Its our ultimate fantasy. To some degree or another, it's why people have such a craze for power, why the system of subordination works. If you think about it, more or less, everyone who works, works for someone more powerful. And it goes up the ladder to where we finally reach the real supermen, (more like supervillains) who have, it could be argued, fulfilled their masochistic dreams and have their form of superpower.

I'm not starting a gender debate. Its just that I don't understand where women and ego stand together, so I will not try to tackle the topic; do forgive me dear women. I'm not talking about sexual desire, or anything, but rather what seems to be the innate desire of every man to be greater in some capacity than his male counterparts.

I recently had an interesting conversation with a woman. I was trying to persuade her to tell me something she knew. She would say nothing on the subject. So I tried the oldest trick in the book; 'You don't really know it'. As she (shockingly) refused to fall for the trick, by just saying 'alright; I don't', I suddenly realized that not only would this trick have worked like magic on my male friends, it would also have worked exactly where I learnt it from. Children. Its child psychology 101.

Think about when you are trying to get something fixed in the house. You're boyfriend will pull out what tools he has from his kit as a child, and try to fix it. At the same time I'm thinking of a little child who will say 'Mommy let me help', to his mother overwhelmed with shopping packages, and even after realizing he can't lift any of them; will still try to help.

Do you see a pattern?

Every guy has something he thinks he is very good at, and please, if any woman are reading this; if you want to keep your guy, you must show trust in him in this aspect. If your guy thinks that he can fix any car, always go to him when you have car trouble. Calling the mechanic will be like cheating and though it may not mean an immediate breakup, it will plant seeds of unresolved conflict that will undermine your guys confidence and create untold problems both for your short term relationship, and for his walk down the path of life.

A guy needs to be needed. He doesn't just want companionship or sex, or friendship. He needs to know that he is the Alpha male, God's gift to women, etc. And girls who constantly complain about their boyfriend in front of other people may soon find that their guy will turn to another woman who makes him feel like a god again.

Thats why showing a little jealousy is important too. Show the guy that you care about him enough that you wouldn't want to lose him. Like you would treat your most prized possession.

But then, the balance. A girl who clings too tight, or is over jealous will cramp a guy, causing him to surface screaming for air. For each guy the limit he can take is different; so its up to womans sometimes untapped intuition to come up with the exact limit.

What do you think? Can a guy function healthily without his ego? Have you ever been downtrodden by a woman? Feel free to discuss.

Enough Said....

Funny Or Stupid?

What a lark, what a plunge. What a disgrace. The post I had been working on last, due to an unknown computer malfunction, has disappeared.

And its a pity, because that would have been my first blog publish that wasn't trying attempts at humor to lame to sufficiently compare to anything in nature along the likes of two legged dogs, one legged kangaroos and three legged humans. Look, I've done it again. Its like a curse.

Bad humor is spreading, and people are just getting lazier and lazier. The ultimate form of lazy humor in this new A.D.D sexually obsessed world is the 'that's what she said' joke. This is, for lack of more words (yes I am being lazy here too illustrate) the easiest joke possible.

It can work in almost any situation. Although the definition of 'work' really means produce a slightly humorous atmosphere not good enough to sustain a real laugh. Its even lamer than 'Knock Knock' jokes, because there are reports (unconfirmed) that a funny 'Knock Knock' joke exists.

Like, I said, 'TWSS' (that's what she said-again the ultimate form of the lazy generation- there are Acronyms for everything) jokes can just be made with anything. 'Why are you doing that?' Reply from Sleazy Bystander (RSB) 'That's what she said?'

'Did you wash your hands?' RSB?? TWSS!!! You see what I mean about lame, right?

And yet the perpetrator of this comic disaster (our aforementioned RSB) somehow feels that he is the wittiest of his species (Yes, the guys are the only ones for this job.....TWSS) and that women should do dances around him and proclaim his the most stallion of all time.

Next thing you know, this person will be up there attempting stand-up comedy. Then he will write a book entitled 'How to be Funny'. Now should this book ever come to print (the fact that there is a demand for these books is a sad joke in itself) I shudder to think of the poor individuals who buy/pirate these books.

Why would anyone buy one of these books? No, that wasn't a rhetorical question. I know the obvious answer is 'to learn how to be funny'. Because, aside from a technical description of jokes (which will give you the ability to lean back in your chair and pronounce, after a funny joke is told by someone else, the exact type of humor used.) there isn't much that these books can teach you.

So the reason you want to be funny is because you want to be popular? Well, after trying one of those books, and managing to learn the technicalities, should you (as I said before) try to describe a joke by using these 'tech terms' you will find yourself moved from the least popular person in the party; to the most popular person in your own party (which will consist entirely of yourself, and if you are of legal age, and a couple of beers).

Because the general public hates technical terms. In fact they hate any word which is over 3 syllables. Except buzz words, which are thrown around so much that they feel comfortable with them and feel extremely intelligent for knowing the meaning of them.

Humor ( I really do not consider myself to be an expert, but I do have an opinion) is not something that can be taught from a book. Its something you have a natural talent for, and work up by practice. Some people are just funny; and they don't even try. So what is my advice?

You want to be funny? Laugh at yourself, there is nothing more humorous than yourself, some see that as sad; but I just say 'Suck it!'.

That's what she said....

Dear readers.

The term itself is a bit facetious, and since in order for someone to point out that there actually are no readers, it would require reading (or glancing, which I shall charitably section as 'reading), I shall continue with the rest of this overdue entry.

There have been different factors which have prevented me from writing these past few months. Stress, the hassle of moving, personal trauma (I was forced to watch Twilight Eclipse), lack of internet access, and oh right; the fact that my blog the least viewed page on the internet.

Still, I have decided to put that aside and publish my next article. The only problem that I face is picking a topic. And really, how do you just pick something to randomly write about. Well, the first step is

1 . Know your audience.

This is very important, and the questions you should ask yourself are 'how old are they' 'what background are they from, both work related and culturally.

If you don't know this, or only have a sketchy idea, your jokes about the nun and the priest might either fall flat on a bunch of 5th graders, offend university faculty members, or make your parents and teachers to wonder just what on earth is going on in your head.

As my audience is; (drumroll) No One, I find my task somewhat difficult.

You may say that I am acquainted well with No One, and its parent definition; Nothing.

I consider myself an expert on the topic of Nothing, and am well known for my dissertation on No One. However, I feel overqualified, and feel I may well bore my audience or come off as pretentious with my writings on Nothing.

Once you know your audience, the next step is finding your purpose. Why are you writing? That wasn't rhetorical. Is it for a school assignment? Are you writing a protest (presumably about the school assignment)?

In my case I have absolutely no reason for writing this. (Its a small matter of audience, or lack of it, that seems to snatch the purpose of these posts right from it). But there have been times when I have had to write for the benefit of mankind, and have had a purpose. At such times as that, I summon all my skill, start writing, and forget what the hell I am doing in front of the computer. Then, I drift far away from my topic (you may say thats what I am doing now, however I had no topic to begin with, so there) and have to spend about half an hour just trying to find where I started. Don't do this. Keep your purpose in mind. Avoid deviations, personal 'editorial' comments, and lame attempts at humor.

Basically, make it the exact opposite of this post and you are doing just fine.

Enough Said