Monday, June 6, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
...and can't live without them. Sad, indeed. I can't seem to make up my mind; I am a mass of contradictions that only make sense if you look at me from the most impossible angles a feat which only the Almighty can achieve. Sometimes I wonder if I have a duel personality, sometimes I think I am going crazy. I often wondered what'd be like to go mad, sometimes I wonder if I am there already.
Friday, March 25, 2011
How lucky can a fellow be, I hate her, and she hates me.
Seriously though, I think I just had one of the strangest most disturbingly rational conversations ever. Allow me to get to the point, there was a girl. It seems that at any part in any story, this line will invariably coming up, serving as the central character, antagonizing the hero till he succumbs to defeat, and holds up a white flag to admit it.
But that is more a ramble than anything, and makes little sense. I just spoke with one of the most foul creatures that have walked the planet, my ex. She stood there in all her demonic glory, with the smile of Satan upon her lips; her eyes nothing more than an endless void. To be perfectly accurate, we had an altercation which was unusual if anything, yet is not worth mentioning. Suffice it to say that it was mostly hurtful and stupid, with a dash of ‘huh’ in the middle.
And yes, these past few months have been very strange. Weird in fact. But today was everything wonderful and brilliant, I went over to her abode and talked to her. It was pleasant and peaceful, awkward yet refreshing. I pride myself in having been able to look into the eyes of the woman I once cared for more than anyone else and say (contrary to what everyone else believed) that I despised her. Not simply hated with furious passion and cholera, one of my most darling friends pointed out that in her opinion such passion is akin to deeper feelings.
And so, I am able to say with confidence that I truly do not give a damn, and am most pleased with the outcome, although a little frustrated at the time which it took to arrive. This woman is decidedly strange, extremely so. It is very difficult to fight with someone who refuses to deal a single blow, and changes the rules of gameplay. Strange, confusing, and wonderfully twisted; such are women...thousands of years later and we are still befuddled, rightly so. If you try to see something from the viewpoint of a woman, give up right then and there; it is not worth the time or effort and you are about as likely to disprove gravity than understand the mind of a woman (this line being strictly for the male Llamas reading this blog).
But, everything works out ok in the end. I really wish such experiences could be avoided all together, but running away from problems does no good; cuz problems are fast runners, and they will catch up with you. I hate facing things head on, but I think I handled this one well, and ended up caring less. If there was ever a rule it is this; the person who cares less, wins. How much do you care?
Friday, March 4, 2011
This is a little something I wrote on Valentines Day. It was for a competition that I never bothered to register for, so I might as well publish it on here. Tell me if you like it.:)
I thought that I would take this opportunity to write you. I just wanted to send you a Valentines Card, and tell you that I think the world of you. There is a small problem, I don’t have your address and I don’t know where to send this. ‘Cause you see, you don’t exist; yet. I don’t know how long you have been in my thoughts; haunting my dreams, refusing to let me awake back into a cold and harsh reality. I know you are out there, because I can hear you, somewhere. Maybe I am remembering the future, and the words that you say to me echo back through time into the present. The present, where the sun can shine but I don’t see daylight. Where the birds song is unheard, where there is a mist over everything and everyone, when all I can see is the ray of hope that you shine so bright that it defies the rules of time.
I guess that is what love really is, not candy, chocolates and roses. Not a 12 Carat diamond ring. Not a vacation on the moon, not the title deed to an island. Though, you know I would give you all of that, if only to see you smile. But the girl I know you are would walk with me on a cloudy day, would hold my hand when no one else could look at me, and would smile through the bitterest tears and you would tell me that this was the best day of your life. Because that is what defines love. No violins play when you’re around, the world still moves in real time, and we are both still stuck in a cruel and cold world. But somehow, it is alright. Somehow, things are better when you’re around. I hear music in your laughter; your smile makes me forget that I am on a dark and dreary planet and I forget about time and its restrictions, and I remember our future, and just how perfect it will seem, because you will be there.
I look at you all, you skeptics, you scoffers, you unworthy creatures. Skeptical of what life is really about. No mind for anything but fixed in the present, unable to break the bonds of time and travel. I can’t move through time either, except when she smiles. Her smile is what will make life beautiful, and every time she smiles, I feel it through the restricting barriers of time and space. And I know everything is going to be ok, because every time she smiles my world is shaken, I feel a rush of wind blowing through my hair and I suddenly feel grateful to be alive. And that is what keeps me going, the knowledge that someday I will see her smile, and everything will be alright.
So if you are out there, I hope you hear me. I don’t know how I can speak to you, but I will try. I know that there is a bond between us, and I will be able to see you one day, because the most violent of forces, most unreasonable of circumstances, and the cruelest spectators won’t be able to keep us away. So until then, keep smiling…because every time you smile my world turns upside down and I find myself falling for you once again.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
You never really know what it is like to smile until you try it while in the thresholds of your greatest heartbreak. Sometimes you gotta wonder what it is that is keeping everything going, when their is nothing to hold it together, and its all you can do to keep from climbing up the curtains and screaming like a possessed maniac. (Lady Gaga instantly springs to mind). I haven't been having the greatest of times myself, in fact I am one more depressed post away from turning into a pop star, or worse, one of the millions of starved, depressed psychos who make such acts as the one aforementioned loved and appreciated.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
By the time I publish this, about 90 per cent of the human race have already broken their New Years resolution. The other ten percent will take more time, as vows to visit a strange or exotic island, or to wear overalls only twice a month are more complex and take time for people to realize that their new efforts are in vain.
At either rate we are bold and powerful, and everything superhuman, until we wake up. Its rather shocking to realize just how little control one can have over their life. Most people will never admit that they are not totally in control. But no, in reality, we are weak, childish, obsessive; gazing eternally at the shiny apple, which must be good to eat, of course it would be.
Eternally hoping for something better to happen, always wishing for a life that is not theirs, never pausing to wonder if maybe, just maybe...the life you live is perfect for none other than the one cursed with it. And thats the beauty of it....
So, here is to a new year, filled with crazy things, hopes and wishes and promises, waiting to be broken. Here is to a life that is everything you don't want it to be, here is to all who suffer, here is to those who may not see another year turn. Here is to you all...