Saturday, May 29, 2010

Dear Aliens/Turtles running Microsoft.

This is in response to a post by a 'wannabe star' to quote her name...

The subject in question is alcohol, or more specifically the 'high' that you get from a combination or separate doses of alcohol, drugs, tobacco, or really bad orange juice.

This is the same woozy feeling that makes you unable to walk straight, will have you sticking your tongue in some strangers mouth, and if anyone asks, for the record; I didn't break the chandelier!!! Or at least from what I remember, because that's right, memories tend to get flushed down the drain and you will wake up at times remembering nothing, at other times wishing you had.

Fights break out, people up-chuck on expensive furniture, others knock back on a sofa oblivious to all, and some try to swing from a chandelier (not me!!!).

But that's not new. In fact this was old news, dating all the way back to prehistoric times. The stone age half chimps half humans, the halfway erected ones (guys, we all know that this is also a side effect of drinking...what up) would go out on a business trip, (as in Monkey Business) leaving their teens at home to party.

Some of them get the music together. This consists of tossing stones down an empty well, and rolling others down cobblestone. This was known as 'Rock and roll'.

Others would go out hunting, preparing an elaborate meal that, lets face it; no one would ever eat, because they were all concerned about, yes...the really bad orange juice.

Legend has it, that the untouchable fruit that Eve so naively picked was an apple.
They are wrong. It was really just a bad orange, and so now, little Sto Nage picks up said orange.

He is curious, because he has seen his parents eating these weird items before. His older brother has said how wonderful the amazing feeling is. Even on T.V. (this was a now extinct dinosaur, similar to T Rex; except this fellow would tell the most far fetched stories, and make lots of, well whatever they had to trade with...mostly stones..) This Dino would make out that these rotten oranges are the 'in' thing along with the latest fashion of clothing, (which really was just wearing clothing at this point in history) and other stone age 'in' things, ergo, sniffing talcum powder, which they called getting 'stoned'. Other words were also 'smashed' and 'hammered'. These had nothing to do with drinking or doping, but were really just what they would do to each other (smash them, hammer them) under the influence of said orange juice.

Then there was the hangover. The fatal next day (you all know what I am talking about). Medical Scientists were not very advanced, and they looked with awe and superstition at the fact that food seemed to be coming up from the wrong end.

Their solution to this one was to literally tie the person to a pole by their feet, and hang them over a cliff, where the strange stuff they emitted would be safely disposed of, and they also figured it was more comfortable. This is how the phrase 'hangover' came about.

So dear Wannabe Star, as you can see, the reason people drink is not because they like the aftereffects, but simply because they feel it is the 'in' thing to do, and because, lets face it...the high is great. But its not worth the low after....

Enough said.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Hi to all my (readers?). Ok, fine, its just aliens reading this blog, and if they are, could they possibly destroy my school before they take over the world?

That's right; exams tomorrow. Which means that currently I am fueled with the same passionate hatred for school, as John McClain had for the bad guys in Die Hard, or as John McCain has for Obama.

So, I have been putting off the cramming hours for a while now. There is only one worse thing than an exam which you feel could use a million hours of study. And that is tomorrow's exam, which there is almost nothing to do but read past papers and fret nervously till I hear the robotic monologue from the British chick that simultaneously starts the exam, and puts my brain on a freeze worse than running a fairly large program on Windows Vista.

When studying for an exam, there are several things to do. One is to make sure you have a decent snack in front of you. This snack may take up to half an hour to prepare, but it's alright 'its to help me study' (we all know that the snack in reality gives just about as much help as a savage doing a witch dance around a fire, except that with the snack is more messy; I'll get to that)

Once you have your snack, you also need whatever goes along with said snack. For example, popcorn without coke?? Doesn't work, and you will just be distracted the entire time. Walk down to the nearest store and buy the coke. Remember this is to help your studying.

The second thing to do is to make sure you have the perfect seating arraignment. Desks may be the correct posture, and guarantee (relatively) good handwriting, as well as the position of your head (being upright) might improve blood flow. But the truth is we don't want desks. They have no leg room, we don't like the feeling of being upright and alert, makes us feel like we are at a Victorian Ball. Nope, the correct way to sit (in order to optimize study performance) is on a bed, legs spread out, propped up by pillows, with books all around.

This may make us feel woozy and like sleeping, but that's alright; a short nap never hurt anyone. Edison used to take many short naps himself (I will ignore the fact that he hardly slept in the night; we are teenagers, not geniuses, and if we can have some association with a Genius, even napping, it makes us feel good)

Now, there are other important things to take care of when studying. For example, have you noticed that it can be incredibly hard to study when you have so many thoughts on your mind (did sally kiss pete? What was John doing in that room? Which country is Sue in by now?). These thoughts are without a doubt hindering your progress and the best thing to do is to log on to Facebook and find out. That's right, and if a friend pops up (who is also using the typical method for studying) to chat, it would not only be rude to ignore him; but you might waste valuable time worrying about what he thought of your rudeness. Make sure to update your twitter feeds about every 13 minutes, ( you can even set alarms) so people know you are alright (otherwise they would be calling you hysterically, worrying).

Do not, by any chance, forget the phone call to your best friend to confirm all that you found out. This could be thought of us background research which is a key part of the subject you are studying (or you can invent a similar excuse in the case of math or psychology; the latter of which is dealing with crazy people, or as adults like to call them 'professors', and this could be a case study into an equally crazy friend)

By now, you need to take a break from all that studying, so haul down and make yourself another snack. You may also need to change your shirt, as due to the sprawled out angle on your bed you have spilled your snack all over said shirt. You should probably take a shower while in the process. Studies have shown that hot water serves to relax your muscles; making studying relatively (due to the fact that it is incredibly stressful) less stressful.

By now you head back to your comfy den to buckle down and study now that you have made the minor preparations necessary. WHAT!! How can it be 10 pm already, I just started studying!!!

Enough Said...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Still new to the blogging world. Honestly don't care whether people see this or not, so long as it's out there. Nothing incredibly new or revelatory came to me in the night, but when I woke up this morning the first thing I thought was....nope nothing revelatory there either. In fact the thoughts in my head when I wake up in the morning is a mixture of several bad vegetables; they are bad enough on their own, but mixed up their are twice as bad.

In fact it can be hard to place reality alongside the tumultuous, subconscious events of the previous night. The first thing to establish is where you are; I have woken up a number of times convinced I was still in the White House, Jessica Alba's bed or pointing a gun at Osama/George Bush (yes these names can be used interchangeably, with the exception that one is a bloodsucking terrorist, and the other a Muslim).

Once I have established that I am indeed on my own bed (or on the floor, depending on whether Jessica's bf comes back/George Bush learns Karate) I begin the day with a positive thought.
Ok, yes I know, when it comes to waking up in the morning; positive is RELATIVE. An average positive morning thought can range from ohhhsgggggg, to 'why do I have to be alive'.
Mine, mostly take on a less morbid twist, ranging from arggagag, to a sarcastic 'what a beautiful day'; really wishing that the world will just swallow me up till I get some good sleep. (which is what happens anyways; the earth swallows you up, then you come out the other end, feeling like sh*t)...

Now comes the getting up part. This can take anywhere from one hour, to 5 minutes; and it all depends on how much important stuff you need to do. The unspoken rule is that the more important your work is, the more you sleep in (not applying to the nights before exams, dentist appointments, and meeting your girlfriends parents; in which you stay up the entire night not wanting to face the day; yet wanting it to be over as well).

For me, its on the weekends when I finally get to sleep in that I find myself bolt upright, with positive thoughts like 'what was the point of that vampire movie', or 'where is my pillow'. After this, I find I am bright and ready to face the day. Yet on the weekdays....

Then for the next three hours, similar to the crappy vampire/zombie movie that I was forced to watch last night, I walk around in a state of bewilderment until today I thought it'd be a great idea to hammer out the twisted state of waking up into a blog post...

Enough Said...
This is more a collection of ramblings than an actual blog. For those of you so unfortunate to stumble upon this oddly titled blog, allow me to explain. Blunderstone Rookery is not the den where I hide during the day, only to come out in the night as a vampire, werewolf, or a equally frightening singing, dancing Michael Jackson.

The title harks back to the old classic David Copperfield. Again addressing the younger generation of misinformed 2D morons, the same of which spend their time reading Stephanie Myer books (and subsequently would conclude that Blunderstone Rookery is a Vampire hideout); the David Copperfield I am referring to is not a long haired, make-up besmeared and satanic cross bejeweled illusionist.

Its the name of a character in the book of the same name, this book written by Charles Dickens.
Anyways, I picked because I thought it was catchy and uninformative. Again, like a Stephanie Myer book...

To conclude, this is a blog that will be filled more with descriptions of strange thoughts that may or may not occur to me, and it's purpose is neither to inform nor entertain, but to simply make you wonder...