Saturday, May 29, 2010

Dear Aliens/Turtles running Microsoft.

This is in response to a post by a 'wannabe star' to quote her name...

The subject in question is alcohol, or more specifically the 'high' that you get from a combination or separate doses of alcohol, drugs, tobacco, or really bad orange juice.

This is the same woozy feeling that makes you unable to walk straight, will have you sticking your tongue in some strangers mouth, and if anyone asks, for the record; I didn't break the chandelier!!! Or at least from what I remember, because that's right, memories tend to get flushed down the drain and you will wake up at times remembering nothing, at other times wishing you had.

Fights break out, people up-chuck on expensive furniture, others knock back on a sofa oblivious to all, and some try to swing from a chandelier (not me!!!).

But that's not new. In fact this was old news, dating all the way back to prehistoric times. The stone age half chimps half humans, the halfway erected ones (guys, we all know that this is also a side effect of drinking...what up) would go out on a business trip, (as in Monkey Business) leaving their teens at home to party.

Some of them get the music together. This consists of tossing stones down an empty well, and rolling others down cobblestone. This was known as 'Rock and roll'.

Others would go out hunting, preparing an elaborate meal that, lets face it; no one would ever eat, because they were all concerned about, yes...the really bad orange juice.

Legend has it, that the untouchable fruit that Eve so naively picked was an apple.
They are wrong. It was really just a bad orange, and so now, little Sto Nage picks up said orange.

He is curious, because he has seen his parents eating these weird items before. His older brother has said how wonderful the amazing feeling is. Even on T.V. (this was a now extinct dinosaur, similar to T Rex; except this fellow would tell the most far fetched stories, and make lots of, well whatever they had to trade with...mostly stones..) This Dino would make out that these rotten oranges are the 'in' thing along with the latest fashion of clothing, (which really was just wearing clothing at this point in history) and other stone age 'in' things, ergo, sniffing talcum powder, which they called getting 'stoned'. Other words were also 'smashed' and 'hammered'. These had nothing to do with drinking or doping, but were really just what they would do to each other (smash them, hammer them) under the influence of said orange juice.

Then there was the hangover. The fatal next day (you all know what I am talking about). Medical Scientists were not very advanced, and they looked with awe and superstition at the fact that food seemed to be coming up from the wrong end.

Their solution to this one was to literally tie the person to a pole by their feet, and hang them over a cliff, where the strange stuff they emitted would be safely disposed of, and they also figured it was more comfortable. This is how the phrase 'hangover' came about.

So dear Wannabe Star, as you can see, the reason people drink is not because they like the aftereffects, but simply because they feel it is the 'in' thing to do, and because, lets face it...the high is great. But its not worth the low after....

Enough said.

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