Thursday, May 27, 2010

Hi to all my (readers?). Ok, fine, its just aliens reading this blog, and if they are, could they possibly destroy my school before they take over the world?

That's right; exams tomorrow. Which means that currently I am fueled with the same passionate hatred for school, as John McClain had for the bad guys in Die Hard, or as John McCain has for Obama.

So, I have been putting off the cramming hours for a while now. There is only one worse thing than an exam which you feel could use a million hours of study. And that is tomorrow's exam, which there is almost nothing to do but read past papers and fret nervously till I hear the robotic monologue from the British chick that simultaneously starts the exam, and puts my brain on a freeze worse than running a fairly large program on Windows Vista.

When studying for an exam, there are several things to do. One is to make sure you have a decent snack in front of you. This snack may take up to half an hour to prepare, but it's alright 'its to help me study' (we all know that the snack in reality gives just about as much help as a savage doing a witch dance around a fire, except that with the snack is more messy; I'll get to that)

Once you have your snack, you also need whatever goes along with said snack. For example, popcorn without coke?? Doesn't work, and you will just be distracted the entire time. Walk down to the nearest store and buy the coke. Remember this is to help your studying.

The second thing to do is to make sure you have the perfect seating arraignment. Desks may be the correct posture, and guarantee (relatively) good handwriting, as well as the position of your head (being upright) might improve blood flow. But the truth is we don't want desks. They have no leg room, we don't like the feeling of being upright and alert, makes us feel like we are at a Victorian Ball. Nope, the correct way to sit (in order to optimize study performance) is on a bed, legs spread out, propped up by pillows, with books all around.

This may make us feel woozy and like sleeping, but that's alright; a short nap never hurt anyone. Edison used to take many short naps himself (I will ignore the fact that he hardly slept in the night; we are teenagers, not geniuses, and if we can have some association with a Genius, even napping, it makes us feel good)

Now, there are other important things to take care of when studying. For example, have you noticed that it can be incredibly hard to study when you have so many thoughts on your mind (did sally kiss pete? What was John doing in that room? Which country is Sue in by now?). These thoughts are without a doubt hindering your progress and the best thing to do is to log on to Facebook and find out. That's right, and if a friend pops up (who is also using the typical method for studying) to chat, it would not only be rude to ignore him; but you might waste valuable time worrying about what he thought of your rudeness. Make sure to update your twitter feeds about every 13 minutes, ( you can even set alarms) so people know you are alright (otherwise they would be calling you hysterically, worrying).

Do not, by any chance, forget the phone call to your best friend to confirm all that you found out. This could be thought of us background research which is a key part of the subject you are studying (or you can invent a similar excuse in the case of math or psychology; the latter of which is dealing with crazy people, or as adults like to call them 'professors', and this could be a case study into an equally crazy friend)

By now, you need to take a break from all that studying, so haul down and make yourself another snack. You may also need to change your shirt, as due to the sprawled out angle on your bed you have spilled your snack all over said shirt. You should probably take a shower while in the process. Studies have shown that hot water serves to relax your muscles; making studying relatively (due to the fact that it is incredibly stressful) less stressful.

By now you head back to your comfy den to buckle down and study now that you have made the minor preparations necessary. WHAT!! How can it be 10 pm already, I just started studying!!!

Enough Said...

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