I want you
to know that it was only you. There were others flocking about, in a different
order, of a varying proximity. And I would look, and wonder, but never
wandered. Despite the years going by, the distance between us which always grew
further and further, tantalizingly close for a second; and further still, there
was only one. Despite being away, despite being around others, despite trying
to run away, bitter and hateful, there was still only one.
I asked
myself over and over why. Why was I never able to move on? Why can’t I move on
now? What was so incredibly special about someone who turned out to be the
complete antithesis of me, someone who crushed me and nearly completely
destroyed me? I suppose because through it all, I never had to be anyone or
anything other than myself. And I was loved for that.
'
And in a
way I understand what happened, although I still never fully understood why.
Why someone would be afraid of themselves, would choose to deny everything that
made them human, until nothing remains but a shell of a person, a hollow soul,
an empty case. And I know there is nothing to go back to and that nothing
remains.
Except to
settle the final score. The remaining doubt, something which I felt was on her
mind. And if I could tell her one thing, I would want her to know that it was
only her. Only you. And not just from the first moment I met you, because there
was no one before that. A part of me thinks that I may never completely trust
anyone else after that. And so one remains, a part of my life, a special, treasured
part of my existence, which started from when I met you till we had to say our
last goodbye.
And again,
despite others coming in the way, distractions and disturbances, time and
distance, people and place, there was only ever one.
And I want
you to know that it was you.
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