Just Random

I really wonder at what time my brain starts to function. It seems that after a day of trying to numb it with games and senseless sitcoms it spurs itself to action and propels me to work. Imagine that! I feel extremely insulted, as I did my utmost best to attempt to put it into a slothful and sleepy state, and yet my own brain is plotting against me, forcing creativity and work out of me.

Oh, the perfidious rotter, my own subconscious at war with it's host. The first thought that springs to my mind is that I my dear brain is extremely ungrateful. After all, am I not a most gracious host? Do I not require almost nothing from it, and summon it to work sporadically, with very generous lunch breaks? Do I not entertain it enough?

Yet, why this rebellious upset. What force of nature is compelling me to attempt to accomplish something at this very unholy hour. I do feel utterly hurt and betrayed by my dear brain. I suppose I am gifted to not posses a very fine specimen, otherwise I would feel that I am doing society a great injustice by not accomplishing anything. But, as the case may be, I am free of that troublesome burden of shaking the world. As such, I am fit to do as I please, but, sigh, I am being conspired against.

They say no man is safe in his own home. I no longer feel safe in mine own body. Who knows what idle acts it may spur me to attempt. Acts such as cleaning, oh, cleaning, my eternal enemy. Or other such time wasters, such as studying, researching, or, dare I say it.....working. Oh brain, thou art a fickle friend and have never been of much use to me. I half suspect that I could live a wholesome life (by current standards) without your presence. Come to think of it, there are many who have tried such a feat as complete brain-killing, either by drug abuse or willful neglect, while others were born almost completely lacking such a loathsome equipment, which, in their case, makes any attempts at destroying such a pathetic creation completely superfluous.

Need I point out that about 70% of these very singular individuals became pop stars, or was it evident to all? The other 30% went for public office.

Are you brain dead?

Enough Said

Funny Or Stupid?

What a lark, what a plunge. What a disgrace. The post I had been working on last, due to an unknown computer malfunction, has disappeared.

And its a pity, because that would have been my first blog publish that wasn't trying attempts at humor to lame to sufficiently compare to anything in nature along the likes of two legged dogs, one legged kangaroos and three legged humans. Look, I've done it again. Its like a curse.

Bad humor is spreading, and people are just getting lazier and lazier. The ultimate form of lazy humor in this new A.D.D sexually obsessed world is the 'that's what she said' joke. This is, for lack of more words (yes I am being lazy here too illustrate) the easiest joke possible.

It can work in almost any situation. Although the definition of 'work' really means produce a slightly humorous atmosphere not good enough to sustain a real laugh. Its even lamer than 'Knock Knock' jokes, because there are reports (unconfirmed) that a funny 'Knock Knock' joke exists.

Like, I said, 'TWSS' (that's what she said-again the ultimate form of the lazy generation- there are Acronyms for everything) jokes can just be made with anything. 'Why are you doing that?' Reply from Sleazy Bystander (RSB) 'That's what she said?'

'Did you wash your hands?' RSB?? TWSS!!! You see what I mean about lame, right?

And yet the perpetrator of this comic disaster (our aforementioned RSB) somehow feels that he is the wittiest of his species (Yes, the guys are the only ones for this job.....TWSS) and that women should do dances around him and proclaim his the most stallion of all time.

Next thing you know, this person will be up there attempting stand-up comedy. Then he will write a book entitled 'How to be Funny'. Now should this book ever come to print (the fact that there is a demand for these books is a sad joke in itself) I shudder to think of the poor individuals who buy/pirate these books.

Why would anyone buy one of these books? No, that wasn't a rhetorical question. I know the obvious answer is 'to learn how to be funny'. Because, aside from a technical description of jokes (which will give you the ability to lean back in your chair and pronounce, after a funny joke is told by someone else, the exact type of humor used.) there isn't much that these books can teach you.

So the reason you want to be funny is because you want to be popular? Well, after trying one of those books, and managing to learn the technicalities, should you (as I said before) try to describe a joke by using these 'tech terms' you will find yourself moved from the least popular person in the party; to the most popular person in your own party (which will consist entirely of yourself, and if you are of legal age, and a couple of beers).

Because the general public hates technical terms. In fact they hate any word which is over 3 syllables. Except buzz words, which are thrown around so much that they feel comfortable with them and feel extremely intelligent for knowing the meaning of them.

Humor ( I really do not consider myself to be an expert, but I do have an opinion) is not something that can be taught from a book. Its something you have a natural talent for, and work up by practice. Some people are just funny; and they don't even try. So what is my advice?

You want to be funny? Laugh at yourself, there is nothing more humorous than yourself, some see that as sad; but I just say 'Suck it!'.

That's what she said....

Dear readers.

The term itself is a bit facetious, and since in order for someone to point out that there actually are no readers, it would require reading (or glancing, which I shall charitably section as 'reading), I shall continue with the rest of this overdue entry.

There have been different factors which have prevented me from writing these past few months. Stress, the hassle of moving, personal trauma (I was forced to watch Twilight Eclipse), lack of internet access, and oh right; the fact that my blog the least viewed page on the internet.

Still, I have decided to put that aside and publish my next article. The only problem that I face is picking a topic. And really, how do you just pick something to randomly write about. Well, the first step is

1 . Know your audience.

This is very important, and the questions you should ask yourself are 'how old are they' 'what background are they from, both work related and culturally.

If you don't know this, or only have a sketchy idea, your jokes about the nun and the priest might either fall flat on a bunch of 5th graders, offend university faculty members, or make your parents and teachers to wonder just what on earth is going on in your head.

As my audience is; (drumroll) No One, I find my task somewhat difficult.

You may say that I am acquainted well with No One, and its parent definition; Nothing.

I consider myself an expert on the topic of Nothing, and am well known for my dissertation on No One. However, I feel overqualified, and feel I may well bore my audience or come off as pretentious with my writings on Nothing.

Once you know your audience, the next step is finding your purpose. Why are you writing? That wasn't rhetorical. Is it for a school assignment? Are you writing a protest (presumably about the school assignment)?

In my case I have absolutely no reason for writing this. (Its a small matter of audience, or lack of it, that seems to snatch the purpose of these posts right from it). But there have been times when I have had to write for the benefit of mankind, and have had a purpose. At such times as that, I summon all my skill, start writing, and forget what the hell I am doing in front of the computer. Then, I drift far away from my topic (you may say thats what I am doing now, however I had no topic to begin with, so there) and have to spend about half an hour just trying to find where I started. Don't do this. Keep your purpose in mind. Avoid deviations, personal 'editorial' comments, and lame attempts at humor.

Basically, make it the exact opposite of this post and you are doing just fine.

Enough Said