Just A Lottery Game?

I have started to realize that my posts are becoming just as infrequent as the How I Met Your Mother episodes, and sadly...just as lousy. I do apologize to all my loyal, faithful and sadly non-existent fans. You see, I have a goal, a place I want to be, something I want to do.

And I am no where I thought I would be, by now. In fact I do believe I am going backwards. Interesting aint it? There are so many questions I have right now, about where I am and what the hell I am doing. So many things I want to do. Like, I want to write a book. Not an e-book, those never sell, and if they are any good they are pirated right away. I want to write an actual book that is printed with technology slightly younger than the Gutenberg. I have even started said book.

But this is the point that really bugs me. I don't know how many people have asked this question, although I am sure they have. There seems to be some kind of fear preventing people from considering this possibility because the ramifications are nasty and crushing. Here it is, without further buildup...

I haven't tried to put this to words before, so do bear with me. You know how you see the successful people, could be in any field...like Steve Tyler, Paul McCartney, Al Pacino, Bill Gates, Obama, or the kid everyone is talking about; Mark Zuckerburg. These guys are huge, everyone knows them.

But what if, there were a hundred Bill Gates, all of whom tried and failed. What if the only difference was just pure luck? Sure, Bill will say that he had determination, know how and a special feeling. The same way the guy at the end of the race will say 'I knew I was going to win'. My point is, we all listen to the winners. We all listen to what they say and believe that if we are determined, ingenious and do not give up on our dreams, then we will become successful. So I guess my question is, was the only difference between these winners and losers simple luck?

Look at the acting industry. There are hundreds of thousands of actors just waiting for their 'big break'. Looking at the music industry, what with the acts going on now, it seems to be more like picking random straws out of a hat and announcing 'you are going to be the next star', and suddenly little Justin Biebers are crawling like maggots everywhere. Talent? Skill? Fate? No, pure and simple luck.

I guess we have that thing that we want to do, and we believe it can be done. But what I don't know is, how many people have tried so hard to write that book, record that song, start that business and failed all because the stars just weren't aligned yet. I am not really a superstitious person, and I don't really believe in 'good' luck. I think chance is a better word for it. I mean, I think everyone on this planet has the desire to be on the top; one of the big investors, the Nobel Laureate, the Oscar winner... And with so many trying, it seems ridiculous to think that anyone could ever achieve this, with the people who do simply being the lottery winners, the ones we all want to be when all we are missing is a few numbers.

But I shall try. Because I am damned curious. It is like when you are playing a hand of poker, and everyone has folded but for you and one other guy. And he will raise and raise, and you will have nothing, but the only thing that keeps calling despite every fiber in your bones screaming out to stop, you will keep calling, out of damned curiosity. I am going to try. I am going to find a way, because I feel that I have a lot to give the world...we all do. And you can't blame the guy who tried, at least I will know that it was not meant to be, I will never have that thought burning in my brain...'what if'.

What if I tried?

Hardly Enough Said

Sith Happens? Part I

As I'm writing this post, my wakeup alarm went off. No, I didn't get up early. I have been up all night talking to a very dear friend. It’s funny how time flies.

My topic for today is life. More specifically, the stuff that happens. Here you can replace 'stuff' with your favourite four letter expletive. Why does (as Yoda would say) sith happen? I'm not talking about the unanswerable question of human suffering; I am merely talking about the day to day crap we face in our lives.

What is the deal with toiling through a day endlessly only to try and earn more money to do what? The entire modus operandi of the current way of living, is working as hard as possible, doing things as quickly as possible; everything instant, everything on the internet; everything connected to each other. I am not some old grandfather croaking how the world was a better place in my day. In fact it wasn’t. Some of the world’s worst crimes against humanity were perpetuated during those ‘good ol days’, and I don’t know if it was any better back then.

But has anyone, at any point in time, just lived through live, comfortably; doing what they want, loving their work, not caring about what the rest of the world thinks? I’m sure there must be some. I’m not talking about the hippies or the radicals or anything like that. I just think that life is becoming too focused on making more money. Not just making money. But making more! I wonder if I will be like that, only able to enjoy maybe 2-3 hours a day in the evening whilst struggling through a job I hate because the job I want to do doesn’t pay enough? And always gunning for the better position, at cost to friends, family , co-workers.

Right now I don’t have a steady paying job. I am doing an online writing job where I get paid per word. I’m still in the beginning stages, and I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. I guess that’s my biggest problem with life right now. It’s the same with many of my friends, who are trying to get settled into life, get into college, start a career (without a degree), open a business. And we all have the same problem; how do we make money without letting money make us?

I guess my current goal in life is to find out what I love to do, and how to make a living off of it. I think too many people go into that aspect of their lives and say ‘Ah, I could do this, it looks pretty simple, I have a knack for this area, and the pay is good.’ And they think that is enough. I don’t know, is it? Shouldn’t the question be ‘I love to do this, how can I make money off it’? Eg, ‘ I just love shopping, and clothes, but I don’t have the figure or aspiration to be a model’ What can I do with this, instead of pursuing a Business degree, how about fashion design. Or, ‘I love to play video games. I love to use computers. Why don’t I become a 3d designer for VGames, instead of going learning computer programming’???

Right now, I know what I love to do, and that is write. I hope to be able to go to college next year and study literature and journalism. What’s wrong with someone doing something they love? I guess I need to finish the rest of this tomorrow; stay tuned for part two....The Love of Money..

Enough said...for now